There Will Always Be Another Coffee

“I refuse to get coffee with my friends.”

Before you all come at me with pitchforks, I’m just the messenger, and you’ll see why in a minute. Also, yes, you can still get coffee with your friends, before anyone asks.

My friend Emma invited me to go see Mulan (1998) with her and some friends at Union Market. I had said yes, but I was starting to get cold feet—literally. What if I get too cold (my fingers start to go numb when it’s below 70°F) or too tired, I thought to myself. As I was listing all the reasons why I shouldn’t go, the idea of staying tucked in with a blanket and a book on the sofa was starting to sound increasingly appealing. Any guilt that I might have felt about backing out was assuaged by the fact that we could always just get coffee and catch up another time.

But there was a little voice in the back of my head—smaller than the one telling me to back out and stay home—that was saying go (the voice might also have been my boyfriend). So, I did. I ended up meeting Emma’s friends and her dog (he is very cute). And as we sat there on the wooden steps in front of Union Market, we laughed and we teared up as we watched Mulan save all of China.

While we were singing along to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” I thought of how glad I was that I had gotten over my discomfort—no, the potential for discomfort—and joined Emma. There’s so much freedom that you have as an adult. Your parents aren’t breathing down your neck telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. But that means it’s easy to fall into bad habits and seek comfort and familiarity over new experiences, at least it is for me.

And the night didn’t end there. Afterwards, we stopped by a bar to get pizza and walked in on their karaoke night. While we waited in line we laughed and grooved to the music. “I didn’t know this place did karaoke!” I said over a couple’s rendition of “Bop To The Top” from High School Musical. That’s something I wouldn’t have known if I had stayed home. We then went to Emma’s place. Cue the “oohs” and “ahs” from all of us as we walked through the halls of her swanky apartment building.

We assembled on the rooftop with a view of the Capitol and the Monument, stars twinkling in the distance. Over pizza and beer, I got to see another side of my friend as she recounted her disdain for musicals. “I love Grease, The Sound of Music, and Chicago, but not Hairspray,” (I think she actually likes musicals). And I got to flex my social muscles (I dropped numerous jokes and yes, everyone laughed).

It was getting late and I knew it’d take me a while to get home so I said my goodbyes and thanked Emma for inviting me. It was almost midnight by the time I walked through the door of my 1-bedroom apartment. As I recounted the night’s events to him, I reflected on why I had been so ready to back out. I love Emma and I love hanging out with her, but I was ready to make up some excuse not to go, to stay home and read.

I think when we’re near our loved ones, we tend to take that proximity for granted. We unconsciously assume there will always be more time. It feels okay to cancel plans simply because we’d be more comfortable at home in our PJs, because our friends live nearby and so we can always just grab coffee.

I realize now that I need to change my mindset. First, because I had a great time out with Emma and her friends. But also, because I’m leaving soon (I’m moving to Spain). I don’t have an infinite number of coffee dates with her left.

So, as my move-out date approaches, I’m trying to say yes more often—to rooftop conversations, bad karaoke, outdoor movies, and all the small experiences that I know I’ll miss once I’m in Spain.

I don’t even like coffee anyway.